This post will explore Patanjali's Yoga Sutras 4, 5 and 6 from Chapter 1 (1.4, 1.5, & 1.6), Book One: Samādhi Pāda (the Portion on Contemplation); reflections on all previous sutras can be found in the other posts of the Exploring the Sutras category on this blog (in the right-side column). *All translations by Sri Swami Satchidananda* Sutra 1.4: Vrtti sārūpyam itaratra ~ "At other times [the Self appears to] assume the forms of the mental modifications." Sutra 1.5: Vrttayah pañcatayyah klistāklistāh ~ "There are five kinds of mental modifications which are either painful or painless." Sutra 1.6: Pramāna viparyaya vikalpa nidrā smrtayah ~ "They are right knowledge, misconception, verbal delusion/imagination, sleep and memory." The distorted reflection of Self arises in the mind's eye as we identify too heavily with our thoughts and our form. The true Self lies beyond gender, career, finances, relationships, hobbies. I think there is a common human fear that in stripping away all things that we build our identity around, we'll end up useless or apathetic, and disconnected from the "real world". I totally understand this fear, and I also feel the drive to hold onto my life as I know it. But in reality, it's the attachment to these trappings of our lives that keep us overly connected to the small self and cause us to lose sight of our "original identity" (as Sri Swami Satchidanada puts it), keeping the True Self hidden. The thing that really intrigues me about all of this is that it seems to be an endless journey... I went to a Catholic school as a kid, and I remember a priest explaining to my class this idea of committing to a lifelong practice of good intention. Though he didn't mention anything about our Oneness (nor did he make very clear or convincing arguments) I just had this understanding that we all need to be as kind to one another as possible, more for the common good than for my own admittance into Heaven (though that was also something I wasn't interested in screwing up). The Yoga Sutras (along with my own experiences over time, of course) have helped me to fill in some of the missing pieces since then; having developed a deeper understanding of my connection to the universe and everything within it, the intention and practice of stilling my mind, to get back to my true nature, has become an unwavering commitment and a lifelong endeavour. In Sutra 1.5, Patanjali explains that there are five types of vrttis which are either painful or painless. Interestingly, he doesn't seem to favour or discourage one type over the other. Sri Swami Satchidananda believes that this is because thoughts might only appear painful or pleasurable initially, when in fact the result will be the opposite, and so it's unnecessary (and impossible) to differentiate between these two types. He says that we should instead think of these as "selfish" and "selfless" thoughts, depending on the true intention and motivation behind them. If we want to elevate our consciousness by cultivating more selfless thoughts, it's important that we analyze our thinking, noticing the patterns that serve us and those that hold us back. In Sri Swami Satchidanada's commentary on Sutra 1.6, he doesn't yet describe the five types of vrttis, because they are discussed in more detail in the next few sutras that follow. Stay tuned for the next blog post!
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Sutra 1.2: Yogaś città vrtti nirodhah ~ "The restraint of the modifications of the mind-stuff is Yoga." With this sutra, Patanjali wastes no time (or words) in explaining the primary goal of yoga: learning how to quiet the mental chatter. Here, he offers both the definition of yoga and also the practice. Sri Swami Satchidananda says that for a keen student, this single sutra is enough, as the rest only serve to further explain this one. And, "the entire science of Yoga is based on this (sutra)." The sanskrit word citta refers to the mind field, or the sum total of the mind. Sri Swami Satchidanada explains the different levels within the citta: the ahamkāra, which is the basic mind, or the ego; the buddhi, which is the intellect or discriminative faculty; and the manas, the part of the mind which desires and becomes attracted to things through the senses. In his book, he then offers an adorable yet eloquent and effective cheese analogy to explain the simultaneous interactions within these different parts of the mind, which, in their delicate interplay, constitute the vrtti: the "modifications of the mind-stuff". All in an instant: the manas pipes up with it's sensory desires - the buddhi adds layers, creating a story - the ahamkara chimes in, pursuing the ego's whims. And the degree to which we both crave and pursue these desires is all dependent on our conditioning, our perspective, and our current values (which do sometimes change). These mental modifications are the chatter in the mind field, and the goal of yoga (according to Patanjali in his Sutra 1.2) is to learn restraint of the citta vrttis - in essence: to still the mind. This particular lesson, as simple as it sounds yet difficult to achieve, has come back to me a lot recently. I've started to notice that the times in my life when I was most driven by my ego and desires have also been the times I've struggled the most; the more I'm able to let go and quiet my mind, the more content and at peace I am in any situation. I also think this is the main aspect of asana that resonates with me and helps me feel connected to the entire eight-limbed practice of yoga. Asana asks us to find stillness in the body, which (with awareness and practice) can lead us closer to stillness of the mind. *** Sutra 1.3: Tadā drastuh svarūpe 'vasthānam ~ "Then the Seer (Self) abides in Its own nature." When we become unbound by our thoughts, we reach a deep understanding that there is nothing in the world that can truly bind us, and in this acceptance of everything just as it is, we achieve a spiritual liberation that dissolves the illusion of separateness.
As we deepen the awareness that the Seer is not the same as body or mind, we begin to free ourselves of the delusions around our true nature. Sri Swami Satchidananda uses this analogy: "If the mind has a lot of waves like the surface of a lake, you will be seeing a distorted reflection. To see the true reflection, see that the water is clean and calm and without any ripples. When the mind ceases to create thought forms or when the citta is completely free from vrttis, it becomes as clear as a still lake and you see your true self." I've been meaning to do a couple of things lately: 1) read/study more; and 2) write more. And it just so happens that Purple Valley Yoga (in Goa, India) is hosting an Instagram yoga challenge that will encourage me to do both of those things every single day for the month of September. {Check out their IG for full contest details and to join us ~ this is a wonderful opportunity to delve deeper into yoga philosophy, and there's also an incredible prize for one lucky winner at the end of it all!} Interestingly, I had just started blogging some reflections of Patanjali's sutras and my personal relationship to them, so the timing perfectly coincided with my desire to both explore and share more of my own yoga experiences. I don't know that I'll be able to share a blog post every single day this month, but my intention is to do so as often as possible. Please follow along with my Instagram posts, where I'll be sharing truncated/summarized versions of these blogs, and posting every day along with the #purplevalleyyogachallenge2018 participants. *I'm using translation and commentary by Sri Swami Satchidanada for this challenge and blog series. This first post is a reflection of Sutra 1.1, and my very first experience with yoga over 10 years ago on a beautiful Indian beach. Sutra 1.1, from Book One (Samadhi Pada): ATHA YOGANUSASANAM ~ "Now the exposition of yoga is being made."* I was first introduced to yoga in Goa, India, in January 2008. I was on a trip with my then-boyfriend, who was there on business, but had been afflicted with a nasty gastrointestinal illness that had him bed-ridden for this leg of the journey. This, unfortunate as it was for him, was an important twist of fate in my life - we'd been doing only the things he wanted to do until this point in our trip, but since he didn't want me around while he was sick, I was finally able to explore this incredible country in a more personal way. So I woke up early the next day and decided to check out the offerings at our hotel. I waked down to the beach and found a yoga class about to begin; I was curious, so I joined in. We stood in a circle, and in the middle of that circle stood a handsome middle-aged yogi wearing white robes, a long black beard, and the warmest smile I'd ever seen: "and now," he said, "we begin yoga." The closest thing I'd ever done to yoga was pilates, but this practice felt familiar to me somehow, sort of like coming home after a long time and dancing with your family. I remember our teacher asking me to demonstrate an asana for the class (though I don't recall what it was). I nervously tried to get out of it, letting him know I'd never done yoga before, but he lovingly replied: "it doesn't matter - you know." We closed the practice with alternate nostril breathing, and I was overwhelmed by the palpable force of shifting my awareness inside my own body, to my breath. I'd never heard of pranayama before and had no idea that was what I was doing, but that lack of rational understanding didn't matter: as my very first yoga teacher so sweetly pointed out, I already knew: I felt it, and lived it. As the group shuffled off toward their daily plans, I felt a sense of vastness, or unrefined potential - like something deep inside of me had been broken wide open, and I was finally ready to receive. I walked over to the shore, took my shoes and clothes off, and waded into the ocean. The beach was already very quiet that morning, and as I continued to walk, I felt as though my surroundings began to disappear. The tide rolling in and out guided my breath into the rhythm of nature, and everything I'd been carrying with me started rolling off my shoulders and into the sea. Eventually, I felt as though I'd become just another drop in the ocean, and this momentary freedom from ego was like a warm embrace from the universe, reminding me that everything was just as it should be - including my place in it all. There was no pain or exhilaration, no cathartic release, no drama or sensation whatsoever - just peace and calm, and that new feeling of wide-openness. I hadn't identified as religious for quite some time at this point, but the only way I could explain this experience to myself was divine intervention: I was stepping back into God's love. I understood my own divinity through my connectedness in that moment, seeing (feeling/knowing) Source in all things around me and within me. *** Until now, I hadn't shared this story with many people; it felt similar to a near-death experience in that I wasn't sure I'd be believed, or that I'd be able to describe it properly. (Even now, this retelling feels like a clunky rendition and fails to truly capture the pure bliss I felt in those moments.) But, this wasn't the first time I'd had this sort of experience, and being in that all-encompassing grace once again was a reminder; it had happened just once before, while I was sitting on my front lawn at four years old, and for the longest time I thought it was something only children could feel. For the longest time, I doubted that initial connection and felt like there was no place for me in this world. (I desperately needed to be reminded.) I also knew that I was at the very beginning of a journey that would become my life's work and passion, so this experience truly felt like a nudge from the universe; I was at a sort of fork in the road at the time, and my life could have gone in a completely different direction. But I was listening, and I was ready to begin the adventure. Just as Patanjali's first Sutra in Samadhi Pada (the portion on contemplation) introduces us to the practice of yoga, so had this cosmic communication reminded me of my own path. ***
(to be continued...) KARMA YOGA CONTINUES ON MONDAY NIGHTS
STEPPING BACK INTO THE FIRE
PRIVATE YOGA: BOOKING AUGUST SESSIONS NOWPlease message me if you have questions about any of the above, or if you would like to book a private yoga session. Customized home yoga programs will also become available again in the Fall. (Ask me about a full-length, personalized class in video format!)
I hope you're having a beautiful summer. I've decided to get out of the clothing game and I'm hosting a big sale this weekend to clear out my inventory!
*ALL TEEKI AND SATYA YOGA WEAR IS 40% OFF FOR ONE DAY ONLY!* All details can be found in the Facebook event page! The fitness project that I began in early February came to an end almost one week ago, but it's taken me some time to reflect upon and process the whole experience. I'm feeling differently than expected, but I'm still really happy with the entire thing. Most importantly, I've learned some valuable lessons about fitness, nutrition and holistic wellness, and I feel like this is just the beginning of a lifelong love of fitness and movement for me. *You can follow my journey with this project from the beginning - just click THE FITNESS PROJECT category to the right to see all related posts.* the quick + dirtyJust to quickly recap: I followed the P90X workout regimen, initially using the dietary and nutrition recommendations from this program mixed with the 80 Day Obsession diet program on Beach Body, but I stopped "dieting" after the first month, and began eating as many (healthy/wholesome) calories as I could get in my body. After a few weeks, I realized that the nature of my job meant that I was expending more calories than what would normally be taken into consideration with these dietary recommendations, so I needed to adjust my approach to the diet. Alright, let's get straight to my results. Overall, I lost 4 pounds and 5.5 inches. I gained very minimally around my arms, but lost some girth in all other measurements. I was actually trying to put on muscle from very early on, and I have to admit, I wasn't super successful in that endeavour. I absolutely reconfigured the constitution of my body (trimmed, toned, and added muscle to my upper body) through strength training, but I didn't make any massive "gains" (those were almost all mental/emotional for me...) That being said, I'm very happy with my results, and I have no regrets. I had a vegan diet until about Week 9, at which point I had a couple of eggs and a little bit of cheese (essentially just resumed my eating habits from before the program). I'm still eating very little dairy, and I haven't had eggs in weeks, but this is only because I know what feels best for me, so I eat for optimal energy and digestion more than anything else. Also, just ask me how happy I am to have wine back in my life. (I'm very happy.) when things nearly fell apartI said from the beginning that I was blogging about this journey in order to record and share a totally authentic experience with "getting into shape" over 30, and I'm so glad that I did, because I think it's helpful to recognize that there are so many factors that must work together in order to maintain such a demanding routine. It almost fell apart for me more than once, and although I hardly worked out at all in the final week, I still feel like I finished the program in the best way that I could: respecting my personal circumstances and being grateful for all that I was able to accomplish. As Tony always encourages: I did my best and forgot the rest. I felt confident and strong more than I ever have before. I also struggled hard, and often; 90 days is a long-ass time - a lot can happen in 90 days... I struggled with my digestion through the first third of the program, I struggled with my hormones through the second third, and I struggled with energy and mood in the last third of this program. I felt like I was on the brink of adrenal fatigue at times, and I had twice as many menstrual cycles as I should have. Thankfully, I never injured myself, but I did have some old injuries resurface at times when I was pushing myself too hard. I wanted to give up a few times, and I put a lot of careful thought into what would really be best for me. Ultimately, I decided that I needed to finish out the full 90 days as well as I could, without putting too much pressure on myself to stick to the program exactly as it's written. Being okay with less or having to edit goals or expectations isn't always easy, but it's a very empowering practice to accept your best, exactly as it is. if I knew then what I know now...First of all, let me just say that I probably will never again do the original P90X program. It's pretty old, and I feel like we've learned so much about health and fitness since the original launch of this program; I'm absolutely going to continue training at home with Beach Body (it's just my preference over training at a gym - more on that in previous posts!) but I'm going to create my own training routine until the LIIFT4 program comes out in the fall. The premise behind P90X is strong, but for me, it was just too intense for too long: 60-75-minute workouts 6 days per week plus around 5-8 hours of yoga weekly was, simply put, running me down and wearing me out. I'm not able to reduce my yoga activity, so I have to adjust my training routine to support that; as yoga is not only my passion but also my job, this will always take priority. Would I recommend it? Maybe.... I would suggest that you put a good deal of consideration into any new exercise routine or diet plan, because it will most certainly become a lifestyle and will affect you in more ways than you might initially realize. As I always say with yoga, this practice should support you. I feel the same about strength training, and I believe that pushing yourself in this way, with something new, is not only healthy, but helps us to expand and evolve as individuals. The key is to stay connected to your body and the experience to ensure your approach isn't becoming too rigid or all-consuming. harder, better, faster, strongerBefore I started this fitness journey, I truly thought I hated working out -- I don't. I actually love it, just as I do a really challenging asana practice. In fact, I was able to draw so many parallels between strength training/HIIT/classic weight lifting and yoga, that this experience has really served to deepen my connection to my body, as well as my dedication to living the healthiest life I can.
Before P90X, I could only do a military push-up, and that was because of my work in Chaturanga Dandasana over the past couple of years. Now, I can do every variation in the program, and depending on where I am in the workout, I'm able to pound out around 6-7 reps before needing to take it to my knees. This is probably my greatest accomplishment, because at 32 years old and having always identified as someone with a "weak" upper body, I didn't really know if I'd ever be able to perform a single push-up properly, with good form and steady control. This experience has helped me prove to myself that I'm stronger than I often give myself credit for, and I'm capable of accomplishing great things when I set my mind to something and stick with it. At the end of this journey, I'm feeling grateful, optimistic and excited for the beginning of my next adventure. It's all about the FEELS, baby...Okay, not really. But, this second phase has definitely been more introspective and has continued to provide many lessons, both in terms of the diet and program and also in a more general sense. I still have quite a few people messaging me with questions about the specifics of this new fitness routine and approach to nutrition, so I wanted to take a moment to do a basic review of what this all entails for me. (Feel free to skip ahead if you've been following along and already know what's up!) *the workouts*I'm now on Day 60 of the P90X program from Beach Body on Demand (a paid membership app that offers access to a massive library of workouts and dietary information/plans.) *Quick disclaimer: I am in no way sponsored by BeachBody, nor do I have any affiliation: all of my recommendations are truly based on my unbiased experiences* I've been following the program almost exactly, with the exception of a couple of yoga substitutions for the KenpoX video (and we don't practice the YogaX video... because it's just not our jam; we do Bikram/26&2 in most cases.) If you're wondering: "who is 'we'?" That would be Cam and I. I've briefly mentioned in previous posts that he's joined me on this journey, but I haven't shared too much about his experiences so far. Cam has done P90X in the past, but nearly a decade ago, so he's working with a *more experienced* body and mind. So far, he's lost about 12 pounds and has been putting on visible muscle since the beginning. (He's also gained 1.5 inches around the hips, which is all in the booty!) We almost always work out together in the mornings, but sometimes our schedules require us to do the workouts separately. It's been so great having a partner in all this, but I probably drive him crazy with my goofiness during workouts! (There's a lot of dancing and weird stuff... I get pretty pumped up in there!) I'm not going to elaborate much on what the workouts entail, because they've already done that all for you over at the BeachBody site. In Phase 3, we alternate the workouts even more, creating that total "muscle confusion" that Tony always talks about in P90X; I think this has been one of the keys to my success so far, so I'm really excited about this final portion of the program. Oh, and have I mentioned that I LOVE WORKING OUT AT HOME?! I do. It's 1000% the best and I have never achieved even remotely the level of success in working out at gyms, or even with a trainer. I'm a homebody, so for me, having really killer home workouts has been a total game changer; just as in my yoga practice, I truly prefer to do it at home, as I feel I get the most out of the experience this way. *the diet*VEGAN * NUTRIENT-DENSE * BALANCED Need I say more?! (Probably - I've learned that people usually want the details when it comes to diet and fitness!) Prior to starting this fitness journey, I had a pretty decent diet in place; it was mostly vegan, but I was eating quite a bit of cheese (lactose and rennet-free), eggs maybe once a week or so, and lots of milk chocolate. I also drank on average one bottle of wine per week, and although that's not a whole lot, this has definitely been the most challenging dietary restriction for me. (T-30 days until WINE CITY!!) I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself on the diet side of things, but I am still struggling to put on weight. At first, I was eating a pretty limited diet (usually around 1,600 calories daily), and I lost 6 pounds within the first 6 weeks. Since then, I've increased my caloric intake drastically, but still have not been able to gain weight. It seems like I'm going to need to eat around 2,200 - 2,500 calories a day if I want to put on any mass at all, and I am just not a big eater, so I find this extremely difficult. (I'm currently achieving closer to 2,000 daily calories.) I've been adding coconut oil to almost everything, eating more nuts, and upping my avo ante (which is tough: my avo game is already STRONG.) *in review*I actually didn't have time to do the end-of-phase-2 physique update with photos in every pose, (it's been a really busy week) but I've been sharing selfies/ab-checks etc pretty regularly through Instagram - primarily in my stories - so please follow me there if you'd like to join me on this journey. Weight and inches are all pretty much the same as the last report, except for one (two) little things: MY BOOBIES! Oh my goodness, my tiny little boobs... I've lost 2 inches in my chest; I'm a 32A right now (hello, training bra). I never thought I would miss my boobs (I was a 34D for most of my life), but my friends, I DO! I miss them quite a bit, and I hope they will chose to return soon enough. The two questions I get most often: "IS IT REALLY HARD" * "DO YOU ACTUALLY LOVE IT?" > The quick and dirty answer to both questions is a resounding YES. The longer response is that it is really difficult, but in a good way; the tough workouts and strict programming help you to strengthen your determination and stay on track with your commitment to bettering your life through diet and fitness. I couldn't do much in the way of push-ups or pull-ups 60 days ago, but now I can do more than I ever imagined I could, and I've never felt more empowered in my entire life; just like I often teach in yoga; use the strength you have to develop greater strength. On that note, I think my yoga training has been really helpful in this foray into fitness; I'm able to draw upon yoga philosophy both when I'm struggling and excelling, and I've noticed so many little connections between the practices of asana, pranayama, and good old fashioned strength training workouts. In my humble opinion, the winning combination of skills for a project like this are: *body awareness* | *breath integration* | *steadiness of mind/focus* | *patience* | *self-love*I'm a yogi - not a certified personal trainer or fitness fanatic - so please bear in mind that everything I post here comes from a place of truly authentic sharing; I'm no expert, and I have no intention to add Fitness Programs to my personal offering. I just wanted to put my experience out there, in the hopes that something might connect to someone who's looking for another reason to make some fitness or dietary changes in their own life.
If you want to chat: awesome! Please reach out. I am always happy to make new connections and I'm very open, so don't hesitate to message me with any questions you might have. |